I want to grab the pizza in this city by its doughy shoulders and gently but sincerely ask: “why are you like this?”
Last night, we joined some friends for dinner at Posto in Assembly Row, an Italian eatery with an emphasis on Neapolitan-style pizza fresh from their 850-degree custom Italian pizza oven that recently relocated after 13 years in Somerville. I’ll be blunt: they saw it on TikTok. But don’t despair: executive chef Juan Gabriel Perez was named the 54th-best pizzaiolo in the world in a highly-exclusive list from Milan this year (the only New England chef to earn such a recognition).
One thing Perez gets right is the signature style: Neapolitan-style pizza is ultra-thin, chewy, and light, a personal favorite of mine and a difficult pie to come by in this city. Another is the new location: it’s posh, airy, and absolutely buzzing with eager Assembly Row-goers snagging a bite between movies or games of outdoor Pickleball.
I’m rooting for Posto, but when it comes to the food and service, the new-location growing pains start to show. Our server was beleaguered and a bit confusing, coaching us to order the pizza extra-crispy (against the award-winning chewy Neapolitan style!!) so it more resembles a standard New York-style slice. Then he warned us that “they come out burnt sometimes”. Chris saw the quality coming out and took him up on the extra-crispy recommendation (“it’s harder to fuck up crispy pizza”), but all four pizzas still came out at the same level of standard Neapolitan doneness — even the one that was, indeed, blackened around the entire crust.
Flavors were OK, but confusing choices kept undermining the stuff that works. On the pizzas, vibrant and fresh housemade marinara served on bland and unremarkable dough. Good-enough housemade meatballs ("nonna’s recipe”) in a cold pool of raw canned tomato. Tasty seared octopus paired with halved grapes.
Here’s a good question: why can I elect to add an entire frozen Sysco tiramisu atop my espresso martini for a $4 surcharge? This peculiar cocktail got top-billing on their oversweet drinks menu, and I ordered it out of sheer disbelief. Every time I tried to take a sip, my nose was dipped in mascarpone cream. Just look at it. Who is this for?
And yes, of course, it’s outrageously expensive for what it is. Four drinks, three apps, and four four-slice pizzas tallied up four hundred dollars. This kind of over-the-top pricing sucks the fun out of so many pretty-good restaurants in this city, and unfortunately, Posto is no exception. If you’re paying the prices you’d pay at one of the very best restaurants in town, shouldn’t you be getting some of the very best food?
So, Boston pizza — and really, Boston restaurants in general — why are you like this?! It’s frustrating to watch these places overprice and underexecute themselves out of easy, crowd-pleasing recommendation.
My score ended up higher than Chris’s because I’m confident Chef Perez has the right talent and Neapolitan credentials, and this city does need more of this kind of pizza. But right now, the math at Posto isn’t mathing. Instead, catch me 5 minutes around the corner at Ernesto’s, a tiny, charming slice-shop churning out tasty New York-style that’s double the size for half the price.